Hmmmmm...

I keep getting mail for a one Gerald Skrinton...I think Hazel has a alias I don't know about. Nice try, dog!

I'm finally doing it...

...I'm trying out for the roller derby. I decided that none of the excuses I was making were valid anymore. Boot camp starts tomorrow. I am both nervous and so ready to kick ass. Finally the inner rage will have an outlet. :) And now, this:

Fave moments of this week...

*Refinishing my new bedside table in fun orange color
*Talking about boys and watching Dallas and ANTM at Shannon's
*Being mistaken for a 20 year old
*Chestering the Dutch Brothers baristia with Cristine while listening to Sade
*Soaking up what I fear are the last of the sunny days
*Beers at Produce Row with Jill

Good times :)

Sundays

Isn't it funny how in one instant you can feel so secure in your life and in the next instant be totally lost? It's actually not really funny at all. It's pretty scary. I'm lost. I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm going to do. I feel like everything has gone to crap. Maybe I'm being dramatic. Have you ever felt like everyone around you has it together and they have everything they could ever need or want? They have an ideal life and you hate them for it. The rational side of me knows that every one has their issues and nobody has a perfect life and I'm also aware that I have a charmed life compared to others, but I feel like the irrational me has been winning more battles lately. Most days I day dream of running away to Greece, never to be heard from again. I want out. I don't want to be working a job anymore where the customers bark at me and treat me like shit. I'm surrounded by selfish, self-involved people and I'm becoming the same way. It's like eat or be eaten. I know that it's mostly my own choices that have put me in this place but I feel stuck in this totally self-destructive pattern and I can't break out of it.

On Sundays, I work the whole day by myself and it's really slow. Mostly I get people asking for stuff for free or asking when the 22 bus is coming.

Rage.

It has turned into the day where I sit and stare out the window and rage and stress and worry and create a new ulcer. Lately when I allow myself to sit and think, all thoughts are negative. Sometimes there are flashes of inspiration and hope, but it's mostly the crap. So instead of spinning on the negative, today I decided to let some of it go here. Hopefully this will make way for some more productive thinking. Thanks.

Biz. Cas. Fri.

I have an eye twitch. Yep. Looking for a job and the stress of not having two scheckles to my name has given me an eye twitch. Is this life at 25? I don't think I'm living my life right. My eye actually started twiching in a recent interview. I think it was after they said that if a department does a exceptional job one week, we would get the special privilege of wearing shorts to work. WHAT?! Since when is that a privilege? I hate shorts! After the intital interview, we had to take a kind of "personality test." We were given a series of statements and we had to choose which one best described us and which one described us least. One of the last series of questions went a little something like this:

1. I could wander the earth alone forever and be happy.
2. I like to bet high stakes.
3. I don't like meeting new people.
4. I occasionally like to smash things.

Now, if I am honest, the "I occasinally like to smash things" statement is the one I can relate to the most, but what dumb-ass is actually going to chose that one? I actually think I might have just because it all seemed so stupid to me at that point. All this to say, I am livin' the dream people. Livin' the dream. Now, I am going to drink a fourty and go sing some Kareokee. Bye.